what would happen if you ate professor Snape?
by HP Hood
Summary: A hole to Hgwarts from Pire World...


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or affiliated characters which is tragic as they deserve to be loved by me but oh well as I do own the pires so nothing much can be said.  
  
  
  
Oh dear me the Pires are at it again save the world quickly or.what would happen if you ate Professor Snape?  
  
Once upon a time there was a place full of magic, now you are thinking Hogwarts but you would be wrong, no I am speaking of Pire World. Now once upon this world there was a woman-a beauteous woman, who was bored- so bored she almost ordered the clothing of all the men. Fortunately she came up with a solution to this problem of being bored. You see deep in the depths of the cake that is Pire World there is a place of wonder, a place of enchantment, a place known as the science lab. Now down there the Pires were able to create potions capable of mysterious things-after all science is a mysterious thing. Now the michellepire-for this was the bored Pire- decided that she would attempt to make a potion to bring her some new excitement as the old excitement had gotten old. (err.Yes.)  
  
She raced down the stairs-all three hundred and thirty six flights of them- and landed at the bottom of a deep tunnel which led into the chocolate interior of Pire World's cave system. After traveling for the longest three nanoseconds of her life she managed to reach the lab. Here she took many ingredients-ingredients so powerful they cannot be named her as you would probably attempt to eat them and thus be thrown into a coma which would ultimately result if you waking up in the land of the katydids without a katydid-eating Buffy dog to save you. The ingredients are as follows: (read this at your own risk) I am only putting them down as Pires have a memory the size of a garbanzo bean.  
  
1 hunk of cheese  
  
2 bars of chocolate  
  
3 drops of Pire essence (good luck finding that in your local grocery store)  
  
4 eggs  
  
5 cups of flour  
  
A bit of lemon  
  
And a hair pulled from the rare and ferocious fluffy pink bunny slipper  
  
Mix well and splash some other things in as needed to make it taste good.  
  
Meanwhile the hooded peanutpire had caught the pig with antlers and was trying to make it pull her sleigh, but since it was June there wasn't much snow and the pig was very sweaty. Anyway so the hooded peanutpire ran screaming to fetch her mud puddle and she hooked the pig with antlers up to her mud puddle and rode the pig with antlers all the way home. (Wee Wee Wee) Along the way she picked up the Terumiwitch and her lampshade and the juliepire and her (now-capable-of-flight) Purple camel. The three Pires (who lacked the fourth as the fourth was busy making something) raced away to the portal that was capable of opening occasionally once in a while when the circumstances were right.  
  
Meanwhile the michellepire had quit concocting as it was spraying orange goo all over the place and she had instead decided to find the pig with antlers. She absently placed the orange goo in her pocket-thinking it could be useful later- and ran up all three hundred and thirty-six flights of stairs only to discover that she had somehow dug a tunnel to Hogwarts and was now in the middle of Professor Snape's potions class. She was disgruntled because he was giving her the once over and he was not worthy of her right at that minute-he could have been as he once whacked Lockhart but he wasn't at that precise moment in the space-time continuum. Anyway, the michellepire was most disgruntled so she decided to see what he would taste like-which was a bad thing as she blew up into a green balloon and had to removed back to Pire world so the Garbage Pail Princess could throw garbage on the michellepire to fix the problem. Luckily the michellepire left the tunnel open so Fred and George Weasley were able to come and fetch her and let her know that the Slytherins were talking about opening a tunnel to the world of the katydids. The michellepire screamed the scream that is only screamed when the katydids are involved and the other three Pires came running-leading the pig with antlers behind them.  
  
It was War. The Pires mounted up. The michellepire lead the charge on the pig with antlers and she was angry-so angry that her face matched her hair-red hair that is. The hooded peanutpire was so angry that her mud puddle had started to dry up from the heat and she was forced to carry the self-replenishing water bottle with her so she would still have some transportation that was useful. The Terumiwitch was so angry that her lampshade was glowing. And the juliepire was so mad that she was not asleep! Off they flew. (Of course the Pires were forced by manners that they for some reason remembered to 'thank' the Weasley twins for warning them and to make the twins honorary vimpires)  
  
When the Pires got to Hogwarts they discovered the dastardly plot was already in motion so they challenged the Slytherins to a duel. Unfortunately the Slytherins got to pick weapons and they picked Quidditch. Now the twins were very 'helpful' in explaining the rules to the Pires. Apparently the Pires brains were so small that they still got it wrong.  
  
At first the Slytherins scored Point after point against the Pires- possibly because the Pires all wanted to be beaters as they got to hit things, but then the Pires got their act together. They realized what the object of the game was.  
  
Obviously it was get the Slytherins through the goalposts. So they did.  
  
And Hogwarts was saved from the evil katydids and Dumbledore was pleased and Harry Potter was given a toothbrush because he needed one as the Dursleys had stolen his and Ron Weasley was made king of a chocolate chip in Pires World and he was excited and Hermione missed all the excitement because she was kissing Krum in the library.  
  
  
  
THE END OF ALL THIS NONSENSE, BUT MORE IS TO COME I AM SURE. 


End file.
